He Shoots! He Scores!
Jan 16, 2026
There is a famous quote that says, “Defense wins championships.” Well, you can’t win without putting any points on the board, right? It wasn’t until just this past summer that I realized I have been living my entire life in defense mode. Turning down opportunities to go do new things, meet new people, and taking chances on my dreams and goals by just going all in on them. I always felt like there was a trap behind every opportunity, behind every new friendship/relationship, and every new place.
In reflection, I have identified three major events that happened in my life that I think made me go into defense mode for a long period of time.
The Major 3 Events!
- My father did not choose to be in my life consistently, especially when all I did was desire a relationship with him. This made me feel unwanted, invisible, and not as special as my talents and accomplishments made me look.
- My High School girlfriend cheated on me. She was my first love and oh… my heart. HAHAHA. It was horrible y’all. I had never been so hurt by someone else. The grownups downplayed the hurt from my puppy love (rolling my eyes). This caused me to not Trust those who presented themselves as someone who cared for or loved me.
- My season ending injury in college football. This unexpected accident changed the entire path of my life. I felt like my entire life up until that point was a lie, because why do all this work to get here for it all to just end like this. I had a hard time defining my identity without football.
My Next Steps
So, this past summer I decided that I am tired of always living in defense mode, trying to protect myself from the uncertainty of the world. I am going to start playing offense and make some moves, put some points on the board! Saying yes to going to Deerfield Academy was one of those offensive moves for me. I started to say yes to traveling to new places, I started allowing myself to hang out with new people in social settings, even though it was kind of awkward at first. I started advertising more of my motivational speaking on social media platforms to get my message out and promote my speaking business.
When I started saying yes to some new things, I started winning and good things started happening more than bad. It was all just a shift in my mindset. What I wanted to see happen started happening for me.
Play Offense!
Starting today I want you to begin playing some offense in your life and making some moves. What can this look like? Here are some examples. Try to come up with your own after.
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Start raising your hand in class and challenging yourself to be a more active participant. Worried about if the question is stupid or if you’ll sound smart enough is being in defense mode. You’re here for a reason. Be great.
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Joining a new group of friends for a walk or meal or asking a new person to join you and your friends.
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Join that club, fitness class, non-profit organization that people have been telling you to join—or the one you thought about doing, but your deciding factor was based off “because no one you know is in it.”
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Maybe they are showing interest in you, and you’re not opposed to them, but maybe you just fear getting hurt... so you dismiss their interest. If it feels right or okay, try exploring that relationship with that person. Look, there will always be a 50/50 percent chance that something goes wrong in any new thing. In my opinion, automatically determining that the bad side of the 50% is going to happen, and not even considering the good side—is living in defense mode. Putting your coins in on the good side of the 50% and focusing on that can make the good side of the 50% more likely to happen.
Living in defense mode is not a bad thing. You need to be able to do it. It protects us. I want you to see that defense mode is for us to be able to evaluate a situation and see if it has any value in it, are there benefits you can get from it, does it provide a space where you can be safe and can be of service to making it better, does it hold any substance. Defense mode should not be something we use to allow our fear and skepticism be the general and commander of all our decisions. So, identify what things may put you in defense mode and who would be someone you can talk to if it's a tough situation to handle.
This week, let's shoot, lets score, lets win!
Sincerely,
Your Mindset Coach
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